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FiasCON! -- in English

FiasCON!

This is a hack to play Fiasco! scenarios using RPG trade shows as the background of your "movie".  First edition of this thing has been written in colloquial Italian, with an eye to that small, noisy microcosmos that is the Italian roleplaying gaming world. Hence, there are lot of things that might not be obvious for gamers living on the other side of the pond. Even with these little defects, I think that this hack should be quite playable, provided you have at least attended one big gaming convention in your gaming life.
Lastly, I tried to mantain the colloquial tone I used in the Italian version, but I'm sure that some error in translation crept in (It'd be no Fiasco scenario if  I managed to write it right first time, right? Great plans, great ambitions, poor gramm^H^H^H^H^H impulse control...), so bear with me and try to enjoy this hack. And while this  thing  is free to copy, distribute, print, download, boil your spaghetti and the like, I require you to give me credit somehow. Having said that...
Welcome to FiasCON!

Relations

  1. Your Party


    1. Your first and only group, a bunch of nerds who's been playing only D&D in all of its incarnations.
    2. A group of dodgy squatters playing Unknown Armies.
    3. A new-wave games-playing band of hippies
    4. Worst sickos in your hometown: you loathe'm, but these are the only one who like Sword of Synnibarr or F.A.T.A.L.
    5. Aggrocore Metalheads who appreciate thick, rules-heavy obscure fantasy RPG and consider Rolemaster stuff for wusses.
    6. Old bikers approaching Gary Gygax's age. System doesn’t matter, booze does.


  2. Your Friends


    1. A wargamer, who is a childhood friend
    2. Your best friend evah
    3. A friend who happens to have free entry ticket
    4. A sexy cosplayer
    5. Guys known in train / on a break during the travel
    6. People you quarreled with for a D&D1 copy autographed by some old glory


  3. Your "RPG Shop" folks


    1. A guy with the skill "Moroccan Sukh Salesman" pumped to the max.
    2. Your latest rpg "dealer"
    3. Someone who gets high by sniffin' lead and varnish.
    4. Who cares about the shop, I want to get laid with the girl behind the counter
    5. A ruthless dickhead that forgets all of your reservations.
    6. More a loan shark than a shop owner: unbelievably expensive.


  4. Your WOW Guild / ML /Forum 


    1. Scrappy teens with more pimples than smarts
    2. Frustrated techs and sysadms, with some MILF over 45.
    3. People which has nothing to do with you, your passion and your life
    4. People whose only concern in life is drinkin', eatin', fartin' and bein' merry. 
    5. Upper middle-class managers venting off their stress
    6. Pseudo political factions waging bitter cyberguerrilla warfare


  5. Boring Nuisances


    1. The avid rarities hunter
    2. A sicko  whose main concern is trying to get laid with anyone wearing a chainmail bikini
    3. Softair "warriors" behaving like mercenaries on coke.
    4. Larpers doing bad joke with their latex weapons.
    5. A crazy guy making milling around your group with a Davy Crockett-style beaver hat, even if it's August.
    6. A deluded indie author who wants you to try his shitty fantasy heartbreaker.


  6. Les Liaisons Dangereuses


    1. Your ex significant other. Dangerous for your rep.
    2. Someone who cannot separate game from reality. Dangerous for your mental health.
    3. Security people who are fed enough with all those nerdy folk and very eager to teach one of'em a lesson. Dangerous.
    4. A drunk LARP Player, who is a 2.10 meters (7 feet for you addicted to Imperial system) giant and  whose idea of "having fun" translates to "lots of broken bones" to others. Dangerous for liver and health.
    5. Your ML/Guild/Forum ideological rival. Dangerous for your rep. 
    6. Your former GM doin' softair, hating you because you know the rules better than him. Lethal.

Needs

  1. Devastatin' yourself


    1. With the time-honored tradition of guzzling lots of six-packs.
    2. With a lot of  weed
    3. With FOOD!, possibly a lot of  tasty fatty food cooked in animal fat. 
    4. Playing a non-stop, 48-hours artistoid LARP and livin'off your adrenaline.
    5. You kiddin'? Coke's the word, gotta stay awake for Vampire LARP this night at 3AM.
    6. Anything that takes me high an' makes me puke is ok on my book.


  2. Playin'


    1. The latest D&D pre-release
    2. The latest sucky CCG 
    3. doctor with someone's girlfriend
    4. hard, I don't fucking matter who I hit.
    5. everything that allows me to humiliate other players
    6. Lanparty alienation session


  3. Dissin'


    1. That fuckwit that challenges your GM authority.
    2. Your gaming group, you can't stand'em anymore
    3. Shops dealers, they've ruined our hobby.
    4. Those new-wave birkenstock-wearin' artistoid hippies that think they are the most.
    5. Every GM on the face on Earth
    6. Magic players, they just know why.


  4. Stealin'


    1. Any RPG I can set my hands on
    2. That shiny new notebook PC
    3. A fat wallet
    4. A lot of miniatures set
    5. That famous artist's original drawing
    6. That golden dice -- it is the only one on earth.


  5. Gettin' laid


    1. With the cosplayer playing Lum (Urusei Yatsura) or Kenshiro (Hokuto no Ken)
    2. With that player of your gaming group, you've been trying for years.
    3. With waitresses and bartenders
    4. With the shop babe/hunk
    5. With the chainmail bikini girl / barbarian you've just seen in the fantasy LARP arena
    6. With a cop, you happen to be fascinated by uniforms


  6. Botherin' 


    1. those softair fanatics
    2. anyone, you're an equal opportunity PITA
    3. anyone playing new wave RPGS
    4. anyone playing old-style RPGS
    5. anyone wasting their mind on lanparties
    6. the convention organization, 'cos this con plainly sucks.

Locations

  1. The Con buildings


    1. in the entry line while it's raining heavy
    2. inside the con, crushed by hundreds of stinky gamers
    3. in the WC
    4. at the information booth
    5. in the CON infirmary
    6. in the conference room


  2. The local restaurant


    1. At the center of the table
    2. In a private room
    3. Outside the restaurant...while it's snowing or raining
    4. In the kitchen 
    5. Behind the bar counter
    6. In the WC


  3. The youth hostel


    1. In the dormitory
    2. In a 4-bed room
    3. In the pool room
    4. In the direction room
    5. In the showers' room
    6. In the closet, with a lot of brooms and cleaning stuff


  4. With your RPG stuff dealer


    1. In his VW van
    2. Inside his booth
    3. In a smoky room
    4. In a soundproof room with a weird mirror on one side
    5. In his hotel room
    6. In a nondescript suburbian office


  5. Around the Convention


    1. In the parking lot
    2. In a park
    3. On the roads around the Convention center, surrounded by whores
    4. On a bus
    5. On a car in the parking lot
    6. Walking on the road


  6. LARP area


    1. In the chieftain's tent
    2. In the druid's cauldron
    3. In sultan's harem
    4. During the final assault 
    5. In the gladiator's pit
    6. In someone resembling a nazi lager

Objects

  1. Antiquities


    1. A functioning oven for small gals
    2. A complete Kinder Surprise set found in Ferrero (makers of Nutella, y'know) eggs (for more info google for 'Coccodritti')
    3. Big Jim / Barbie
    4. A Complete Sega Saturn set
    5. Smurfin' smurfs!
    6. Baseball trading cards


  2. Fetish


    1. Who'd a thunk? Your regular chainmail bikini!
    2. A penic case
    3. A sheepskin waistcoat
    4. A lingerie set belonging to those perky cosplayer interpreting Lum
    5. Tiger Balm
    6. The iBrator, that is an USB vibrator made by A**le itself. 


  3. Latest


    1. A 3D module that enables your Wii for oloplaying those blue kittehs in Avatar: The Game
    2. Duke Nukem Forever, 'nuff said.
    3. Battlestar Galactica full-size 1:1 action figures
    4. Latest Pokémon card set
    5. Dark Heresy bound in human skin and bones
    6. “Ye Olde Booke of Unwholesome Evill”: this one, mind you, really works


  4. Subsistence and Perdition


    1. A D20 made of hash
    2. Two six-packs of cheap beer
    3. Eighty frozen burger and a grill
    4. Lots of Coca-Cola
    5. A small bottle containing lots of viagra tabs.
    6. A designer drug made especially for you by your chemical friends. It's good stuff, really.


  5. Penis projections


    1. A Nunchaku and  a Katana
    2. A softairer's weapons loaded and shooting real ammos.
    3. A klingon battlesword sharpened by a grinder out there
    4. A flail
    5. Brass knucles
    6. A slingshot and an unlimited reserve of steel spheres


  6. Miscellanea


    1. An old Fiat Panda 30 (Germans had VW beetle, french had Citroen 2CV and, from 1980 to 2004, Italy had Fiat Panda. Do your homework, go search on Wikipedia and find out why it sold volumes and lots of Italians -- including your host -- have fond memories of this car).
    2. Your very, very bad dog
    3. A perfectly working skateboard
    4. A complete Star Wars Stormtrooper uniform
    5. A stinky sleeping bad and a shitty mattress to sleep on
    6. Original D&D 1 manuscript... but you don't know it.

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